What’s Your Trigger?

It’s ironic how the mind works, How things can be so deeply rooted within ourselves that we think we are ok, but we bury our stuff. Then something happens that triggers a reaction. I noticed something about myself today  that was partially hidden. I was aware that I would behave in a certain way if I felt a guy was trying to dig too deep in getting to know me. Especially if I wasn’t familiar with him and he was single.  I notice I get very guarded. My body language changes. My facial expression isn’t as jovial and my response is very short and I’m more withdrawn. I can be civil. The typically hey, how are you doing, and bye. But when it comes to any questions that I feel are probing, I automatically shut down. I don’t give much if any eye contact. Within myself, I say leave me alone. Don’t ask me a bunch of questions. What do you want? You may ask, why do you do that? Because there is something that happened, that triggers that response. A few years ago, I opened myself up and befriended a guy and everything seemed fine. We mutually began liking each other and both agreed that it would be best for us to get to know each other before we try to have any type of relationship. Everything went well for a while. Then several months down the road, everything ended without warning. When a person has something happen to them out of the blue, it leaves some lasting effects, even if it’s not the first time that has happened to them. It’s even harder when a person has been hurt a lot in their lives and they meet someone who eventually causes them to trust them. Because I trusted this person I believed that we would be able to communicate if anything changed. But that wasn’t the case. The other factor was I have never in my life felt protected. Especially around the opposite sex. When it came to guys, I was often discarded. Most of the time without warning. Also with things that happened in my childhood as well. But I know I can’t continue to remain this way. I refuse to. A lot of times we will admit we have a problem, but do nothing to resolve it. Then we expect others to accept our dysfunction as normal. That’s not my desire. I have to go before God and allow Him to heal that part of me. I thought it was completely healed, but there’s still some residue.  The healing process is painful, which is why many people choose to remain as they are. But total healing is worth the discomfort. We all have triggers. Let’s work on them so there is no power left in this proverbial gun.

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