There’s A Big Difference Between Bitterness and Honesty

My sister Sharmela wrote a powerful post that grabbed my attention earlier this morning. She wrote,”You can have all the knowledge, insight, wisdom & experience in the world, but if you’re not honest enough with yourself to not just be conscious of, but confront your issues & actually change, you’ll ruin relationships, damage folk, stay single & blame others for it. I ended up sharing it on my page and tagging my sister Tanya to see it. But there was a statement that Tanya wrote that resonated in my spirit. She wrote,” Big difference between honesty and bitterness. We were discussing an article a young lady wrote stating how many single black women are tired of being asked why they are still single and when are they going to get married or are they dating anyone? She went on to say and I’m paraphrasing that the black church  should apologize to us for how they have made us feel by saying how we should just wait on God and to be content in whatsoever state we are in. Which she mentioned most of these ppl that say this are married. Although she did make some valid points in her article, I didn’t agree with her 100%. She was being honest, but in my opinion and my sister’s opinion she was coming off a little bitter. She pointed out things that others were doing and saying that made her frustrated, but she didn’t mention anything productive she was doing while she was enduring her single season. She came across as, if she had someone in her life then her life would be much better. She emphatically said she was tired of being alone. There is nothing wrong with desiring companionship. I do desire it as well. But I won’t allow it to consume me. There wasn’t anything in particular that she mentioned that  she enjoyed. The reason why she came across as bitter to me is because I use to be bitter. I use to be that one that was always pointing out and casting blame on how guys disappointed me, but I never took responsibility for the part I played in the foolishness I endured. Yes, I was honest, but I was also bitter. I looked at guys as being all the same. They just wanted one thing and when they got it they would just “dog” you out. But for many years I gave up that one thing. I knew what was up. I had been down that road before, but my perspective was, maybe he will be different. Maybe he will see I’m a good woman. Even though this young lady was referencing singleness, I caught wind to her discontent. But yet there was no mention of what she was doing besides, working, going to church, and serving in church. There was no mention of her being in purpose. One thing that I have heard numerous times and that the Lord has shown me to be true, is if you are not in purpose, then you aren’t ready to become a helpmeet to whom He has for you. Marriage is much more than just having a companion or someone to hold, or to ease the loneliness. Her mentality was making her miserable. In my mind, I was thinking, why does she feel so entitled to having a husband? It’s like she was listing things she was doing and even talking about how many teach that a woman shouldn’t do online dating or initiate with a guy because it’s not seen as the right thing to do. But for me, experience has taught me it’s not wise to pursue a man or put yourself out there, especially when he hasn’t shown you that he is truly interested in you. A man being nice and polite to a woman doesn’t equal being interested.  The thing is I understood her. I’ve been there. I’ve wondered, When God? Where is he? But to look at marriage as a way to end loneliness isn’t the truth There are many ppl that are married and miserable. Singleness is a time to work on ourselves. I know that sounds cliche, but it is the truth. It’s a time to find out who you are in the Lord and embrace that and what is His purpose for your life. Everything and  every person He created serves a purpose. So yes I agree and reiterate Tanya’s stance. There a big difference between honesty and bitterness.